the importance of being earnest & the trouble with being honest

recently the universe has brought to my attention that i can be 'gruff, straightforward and so direct as to create animosity'. Apparently my decisive nature and unforgiving attitude towards the weak and feeble isnt received so well by others. thing is, i can only be me. and yes its true i let things get way under my skin--so deep that i have to purge people and things from my life sometimes. it's confusing whether this is the path to happiness or the road to a lonely life. then again, my elders say the longer you live, the less friends you can count on your fingers. its better to keep no company than bad company, i guess...

similarly i am not oblivious to the fact that my impulsivity often produces a certain shock factor in those present when such calamity hits. only recently have i realized that this power should be used for humoring myself. if i use this weapon correctly, i'll have the pleasure of making others think im a total buffoon, a tactless pariah of society, when all the while i ruffled their oh-so-proper feathers on purpose to have a chuckle. when you think about it really, the only one bothered is them...

slowly but surely my creative inclinations are returning to me. i think the realization that i just dont fit into the ordinary workosphere has lit a fire under my very dormant inner ramblings. happiness is found in the idea of breaking free and i'm so glad to have my love beside me, ready and willing to do the same. to have found this someone, is beyond what my wildest dreams could have imagined....

imminent introductions to follow.

rant

listen
im tired of saying it
so listen very carefully
i am not meant for an office
i am not meant to have a boss
im not someones assistant or someones errand girl
i am a goddamn star
do u understand

i wont let my life pass me by like this

i refuse it. i am destined for greatness

and i wont let money or the fear of failure allow me to keep pursuing such a meaningless life

i believe that the face of society is changing

i hate everyone here

theyre all msierable

theyre all a bunch of kiss-asses

shit talkers

out with it!!!!

goddmanit out with it

i want to completely overhaul my existence

i have become absolutely consumed w things and money again

its the venue i keep putting myself into, this breeding ground for misery and unfulfilled desires

i need to find something else to do with my time