just a little bit stoned

on a thursday afternoon and determined to write. mooooooore.

last night i said goodbye to a good friend. yet again.
i think theres something really poetic about goodbyes. i almost prefer them to people just sticking around, because that way whatever you had with that person gets frozen in time and stays perfect forever. people have a way of fucking up their relationships
after a certain period of time i think. not being cynical, just calling it like i see it.

my best friend from grade school and i fought like cats and dogs throughout our childhood. we'd have these big dramatic 'break-ups' that sometimes ended in tears and/or parental involvement, and when the friendship was inevitably fixed it would leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

i feel like a lot of my adult relationships have been the same. there are certain men and women that i can spend all my time with and never feel like i need any space. that's how i felt about my first boyfriend; though after a few years of said inseparability, ended similar to my grade school friendship, including the tears and parental involvement.

last night, ariel left. ariel and i had an interesting relationship because from the second i met her, i saw her as my know-it-all little sister (yes, dara, i know). she's vintage and a babe amd stands firm in her principles, like we all did when we were 22. i try and explain to her how much of a difference it makes being 24 than 22, and she doesnt get it (i didn't either then). sometimes i wanted to kill her but mostly i just wanted her around. i woke up today feeling like something's missing and decided that this time, goodbye fucking sucked.

i miss my friends but i don't want to go home. the independence i have here is priceless, its keeps things changing constantly and i feel like it's the only way i won't get bored. and i think, dear reader, that the underlying theme to all my adult relationships is that eventually, i want to kill everyone. muahahahha.

since i'm not a serial killer, i think its safe to assume that perhaps i've been keeping people at a distance. because if you REALLY love someone, and have to say goodbye, well..goodbye fucking sucks.